What if you’re already loved — and just can’t feel it?
After 36 years studying happiness, Dr. Sonja Lyubomirsky reached a conclusion that surprised even her: the key isn’t success, achievement, or even gratitude. It’s feeling loved. In this conversation, she breaks down why so many of us feel unloved in relationships that are full of love — and the small shift that changes it.
IN THIS EPISODE
[03:54] — The conclusion after 36 years: feeling loved is the key
[04:34] — Why almost every happiness practice works for one hidden reason
[17:23] — You can be loved and still not feel loved
[18:07] — The 70% nobody talks about
[18:32] — Why you don’t have to change yourself or the other person
[21:00] — “Going first”: the Fortnite story and the anime story
[30:16] — The five mindsets of feeling loved
[48:18] — How to spend money in a way that actually buys connection
[49:43] — The vulnerability paradox
ABOUT DR. SONJA LYUBOMIRSKY
Dr. Sonja Lyubomirsky is a professor of psychology at UC Riverside and one of the most cited happiness researchers in the world. Her lab has run happiness interventions — clinical trials for well-being — for nearly three decades. Her new book, How to Feel Loved, co-authored with relationship scientist Harry Reis, distills it all into something you can practice.
CONNECT WITH DR. SONJA LYUBOMIRSKY
Book: How to Feel Loved — howtofeelloved.com (take the mindset quiz)
Website: howtofeelloved.com
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