Shaun Maslyk

Episode Summary

Most of us are making rules. Todd Kashdan is making principles. The difference shapes the kid.

In this Deep Cuts, I pull the parenting threads out of my YouPotential conversation with Dr. Todd Kashdan — Professor of Psychology at George Mason University and one of the most cited researchers in the world on curiosity, psychological flexibility, and well-being. Todd grew up without a father. His mom died when he was twelve. He had almost no model for what an engaged dad looked like. So he built one — three principles his kids could recite by age five.

We get into post-traumatic growth, the cult of high-achieving kids, the financial cost of the optimized childhood, the 10% retirement concept, psychological flexibility as a unified theory, and a practice called strengths-spotting that changed how I show up with my own son. It's not a how-to. It's a re-frame of what the job actually is.

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Key Topics

• Todd's three principles — what to stand for instead of what to forbid
• Post-traumatic growth and the name tag we don't have to wear
• Beach Week — intel over interrogation
• The cult of high-achieving kids and what we're really buying
• Path A vs Path B — Todd's framework for teenagers
• Why relationships predict happiness more than credentials
• The 10% retirement — quietly stepping off the achievement treadmill
• Psychological flexibility — meeting the moment instead of repeating yourself
• Principled rebellion — how kids become adults who change institutions
• Strengths-spotting — bolding and italicizing who your kid is becoming

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Memorable Quotes

"Since my kids were five years old, they could recite the three principles of Todd as their dad. One, I'm going to make you laugh. Two, I'm gonna teach you stuff. Three, I'm always gonna be there."

📍 00:54

"I think all of us should basically try not to be enslaved by our past, but use it as a comparator of — this will not take place again on my watch."

📍 14:25

"We do know that this is the number one predictor cross-culturally of what predicts happiness — lasting, significant, meaningful interactions and relationships."

📍 40:39

"Everyone has this jagged profile of skills, abilities, personality traits. You have to figure out what dimension is going to work best in the situation that I'm in right now."

📍 1:21:06

"Consistency doesn't mean saying the same thing over and over — a lot of activists get this wrong."

📍 1:04:02

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About Todd Kashdan

Dr. Todd Kashdan is Professor of Psychology at George Mason University and director of the Well-Being Laboratory. He's one of the world's leading researchers on curiosity, psychological flexibility, and well-being — over 225 peer-reviewed articles, cited more than 35,000 times. He's the author of The Art of Insubordination, Curious?, The Upside of Your Dark Side, and Designing Positive Psychology. He writes the popular Substack Provoked. He's a father of twin daughters (plus one more).

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Connect With Todd

• 🌐 Website: toddkashdan.com
• 📚 Substack: toddkashdan.substack.com
• 📖 Books: The Art of Insubordination · Curious? · The Upside of Your Dark Side